[There are white blossoms outside my window]

There are

white blossoms

outside my

window

and when they

fall

I imagine

its snowing

in September. The

carbonation

of the

iris soda

tickles my nose

it makes me

smile. I

never

heard you

apologize. I

stopped waiting

years ago.
look me

in the eye

don’t

ever

look

over

me.

-2015

happy

the typing of my

fingers

like a song

I don’t

know the end of.

it reminds me

that once

I didn’t

know how

but

what does

it mean to be

happy? Someone

told me once

but I forgot

it along the way and

instead

count the steps

I take

up my staircase

humming and laughing

to keep

the ghosts at bay.

The morning

yawns

as it

draws the

cold from my

hardwood floor

and I

race across it

as it bites my toes.

-2015

childhood

everything in me and around me was fine

everyone else was always the problem.

I remember being labeled

fat

as kids pinched

what shouldn’t have been

an inch

and I lied

when I said I couldn’t.

I remember my almost kiss

behind the tree

we weren’t allowed to go behind

tracing the roots

with our shoes

even then

I felt the urge to climb higher.

I remember

when the accident took everything from you

except your name

and I cried

because no one else

would ever call me Steve

or draw shitty cars with me

in shop class

or laugh as I cut crooked

pieces of wood.

I remember the grass stains

on my softball uniform

on my field hockey uniform

on my new jeans

and the fresh cut grass

as I tried not to pass out

while running the mile in gym.

I remember.

I remember

because my memory has never faded

it’s the one thing

that has remained the same.

[untitled 4]

the

office light

flickers

on &

off. artificial

life remembered.

placid fabric &

squeaking. the

distant sound

jackhammer

birds

life. a

child

screams, laughs

then runs

away.

[we don't like to]

we don’t like to

think about

how memories change

we want

more of the same.

old haunts

tourist pollution

like the coins

in my pocket

I’d rather

stay

there.

don’t think about collapsing,

pavement, solid, underneath

crumbling, flaky concrete pastries

grin and

let the steel buckle. I

find myself laughing.

the grey-haired stranger

smiled when he said

my name

like he’s found something.

there wasn’t anything we could do

only watch

as things

changed

around

us.

-a year later-

The woman said she didn’t care about Van Gogh so she wasn’t worth my time. At noon I watched the spider crawl into his ear, which acted as a cradle. Dogs barked loud enough to wake the baby next door. A fan cycle on repeat. The neighbors burned toast again and a siren cried. Time moves fast when days are long. A floorboard creaked. When I wake, you were gone. Church bells can be slept through if you pretend you don’t exist. Alone doesn’t mean lonely. Avoid the trading post. Miles of miles of miles of miles.

Diner food

She touched with

spider webs

dancing

from her

fingertips and traced

the moon in

circles on

diner table tops. A

coffee cup

chipped

like her

front

tooth. I

laughed

quietly

counting

the circles under

your

smile.